How do I quell my husband’s anxieties about a home we’re buying?
My husband and I just signed a contract to purchase a 1600 square foot ranch style home on 1 acre of land in the hills north of Huntsville, AL for $105,000. The house is very well kept and only needs minor cosmetic repairs that mainly consist of new carpet and paint in the bedrooms and formal living room. Other than some outdated kitchen appliances the house is in great shape. The seller is a landscaper so the property also has a beautiful front and back yard. The sellers also have done significant cosmetic work to the kitchen, family room and dining room. I’m talking new laminate floors, ceramic tile, paint, lighting fixtures, counter tops and more. The house also has a fantastic view of the mountains in the distance. We live out in the sticks so we only have one neighbor next to us.
My husband is nervous because his parents (mainly his mom) keep telling him that we “over paid” for the house. They live in Delaware (where we just moved from) and their excuse is that a few years before the housing boom they managed to buy 21 acres of old logging land for $50,000 at a tax auction; where they built a 2000 square foot 2 story home for an additional $125,000. The truth is, the old logging land was expensive to grade and required a variance from the local authorities to put in the septic tank. They inadvertently hired one of those mass-production type contractors who slaps up houses with the cheapest of materials so at 6 years old their house is basically falling apart around them.
The home we’re buying was built sometime in the mid-eighties and feels very sturdy. My dad worked in the residential construction industry for over 30 years (mainly doing high end remodels on older homes) and thinks this house is a good buy for the price. He taught me how to spot potential trouble areas in homes when I was a teenager so its not like I’m a total moron when it comes to home buying. I’m having the home inspected tomorrow anyway so if there is anything major we won’t get stuck with it, per our contract.
My mother-in-law convinced my husband that we were also getting a bad deal because the house is selling for $105,000 but is estimated to be appraised at $115,000 to $120,000 (it was originally listed for $130,000, last year). She says “its not enough of a discount in this market”. What she fails to realize is that there really wasn’t much of a boom or even a bust in the area we’re in. Home prices only increased slightly faster than the normal rate for the area and haven’t taken much of a dive since the bust.
All she’s doing is making my husband upset about our first home purchase. She also has this crazy idea that we “need” a lot 5 acres or bigger for our first purchase. Honestly, we would not be able to afford a house as nice as the one we’re buying with a lot that size. I’m not comfortable taking on a $900+ a month mortgage at 22 years old. We’re going through a several state sponsored first time home buyer programs (USDA Rural Development Mortgage, Step-Up and Mortgage Credit Certificate program) in our state that will keep our mortgage at around $650 a month. Which is only $30 more than our current rent.
How do I get my mother-in-law to understand that our situation is totally different than hers. My father-in-law had just retired from the Air Force after 20 years when they bought their first house. I’m 22 and my husband is 25 and we’re buying for the first time, a totally different ball game.
Related posts:
- Does the first home buyers grant apply if we’re buying a transportable granny flat? My husband and I are thinking of buying a transportable granny flat and putting it in his folk’s back yard. The granny flat costs $108 000, but would we...
- Use first home buyers to buy a unit or not use it and buy something bigger? We have $80,000 as a deposit. But my husband & I have 3 boys & my dad lives with us too. We currently rent in Bondi Junction & can...
- How does the $7,500 tax credit for first time home buyers work? My husband has owned a house in the past three years, but this is my first home to ever own. Both of our names are on the mortgage. Will...
- Buying Propert already tenanted? Hi I am buying a flat which is currently rented but my estate agent has told me that we cannot give motice to tenants until Feb 2008, so he...
- Are there any other incentives or credits for non-first time home buyers? I am aware of Obama’s first time home buyer tax credit, but both my Husband and I have owned homes in our own names before. We purchased this home...
$900 I live in the WRONG state.You sure you’re not missing another numeral there? Geez.
Answer is, you can’t. Buying a house is a lot more then you can imagine. Good luck.
Tell her that she is lucky you are not trying to buy over here in australia.
starting prices for something decent over here is about $300,000.00
If you can get a mortgage then buy it. You will need a current appraisal, not one a year old, if the bank loans you the money…then pay it back.
That house very well may be worth $80-90,000 next year so be prepared to owe more than it is worth. If you feel it is…then go for it.
If not, as other people are telling you…then wait for a better deal…or make a lower offer. I cannot imagine there are many other offers on that property, and I do not think you negotiated the best deal.
Offer them $75k and work up.
Wow, $105K for a home and mortgage only $650? I could definitely do that and would be very very comfortable taking on $900+ a month. Can’t get that where I am living since the cost of living in CA is so much greater.
You and your husband are the ones purchasing a home and most likely comfortable enough and have made necessary steps to ensure that you are capable of making it work so don’t worry so much about what she thinks. If you feel you can do it go for it. If your Husband has doubts about it weigh in on your financial situation, make him see that he has nothing to worry about and that things will be fine and there’s no problem with the home you will be buying.
Hi again! You should be very proud! Don’t worry about the price. You’re in there for the long term most likely so you’ll probably have a decent amount of equity built up quite quickly.
I’m assuming that when you and your husband took out the mortgage on the house, an appraiser had to come out and estimate the value, and a lending officer had to sign off on the mortgage. Earth to momster-in-law: if you overpaid for your house, the appraiser and the lender would not have signed off on the mortgage, not in this market!
But it sounds like the price you guys paid and the house’s real value, whatever the heck that means, is not the issue here. The issue is your husband’s inability to tune his mom out and ignore her.
You CAN’T get your MIL to understand anything that she doesn’t want to understand. The only person whose actions you can control is yourself. Why are you letting MIL bug you? Can’t you just treat what she says as background noise and enjoy your new house?
If she’s really bothering you, why don’t you take the bull by the horns, and instead of trying to convince her that you didn’t overpay, your home is on the right size acreage, etc., etc., confront her directly and ask her why she is hell-bent on believing that you and your husband screwed up: “Mom-in-law, do you WANT us to have overpaid? Does believing we’re doing this all wrong make you feel good, somehow? Is it necessary for you to make [your husband's name] feel bad about what we did because it’s not what you would have done? Okay, you win! We screwed it all up and it’s all going to go to hell in a handbasket, we’re stupid idiots and need you to hold us by the hands for the rest of our life. Is that what you want? [Your husband's name] to run to mommy first every time we have a decision to make, and clear it with you? If that’s not what you want, can’t you show a little support? ” and see what the interfering old sow says.
well, now, is obviously the time to buy a house. we just closed on ours, and a buyer markert is quite amazing. we always trust our parents, we cant help it. show your husband numbers. there is nothing else you can do. we are all worried right now. obviously you cant compare to the auction… who can? different situation, and not a common situation at that. just respect the parents are trying to help
I guess she’s acting in your best interest and thinking that you can get a better deal (Not saying anything on your actual purchase as I’m no expert) but if your husband has anxieties then pay for a professional valuation.
Negative emotions (like sadness, stress, anger, etc.) causes your Serotonin production to be low; when your Serotonin level is low, you are more prone to getting Anxiety, Panic Attacks, Depression, etc.
Medication like Antidepressants (SSRI – Selective Serotonin Reuptake Inhibitor) helps to boost Serotonin level.
But there are natural ways to do it without medication. There’s this strange herb called “St John’s Wort” – it is said to be more effective than Prozac. No, it is not for mild depression only and ignore those sayings. In fact, it does help anxiety and panic-attacks as St John’s Wort works like prozac. Other natural ways will be exercise, diet, more exposure to light, etc.
The problem is that, even if your Serotonin is balanced… you have that “learned behavior” in your mind. You need to break that initial cycle to destroy that learned behavior – Cognitive Behavior Therapy (CBT) does this. A technique that you can use without CBT will be Distraction… There are several other techniques to help cope them!
Ok, to use Distraction: Firstly, try to….
Extracted from Source.
I live in Huntsville too, and that price sounds about right. Just keep telling her that Huntsville wasn’t really affected much by the housing crisis. Tell her to Google “Huntsville AL housing crisis” and do her research and she will see. She seems kind of stubborn and stuck in her own little world. My mom is just like that. Sometimes there is no remedy for that except for telling her “fine, whatever you say” but in the back of your mind you know you’re right. Agree to disagree.